Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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