Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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