my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
be right there i have to get my cape
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
