Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sober January is a disaster.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
