dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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