hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
