it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
