remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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