going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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