somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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