im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
