dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
