I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
