My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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