I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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