Quick, to the slutcave!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
