I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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