he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
