sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
