Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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