Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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