I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
