38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
