Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
