Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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