Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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