I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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