Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
