i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
