What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
