I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
