So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
