trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
