I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
