Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I CAN MOONWALK!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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