I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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