I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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