I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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