I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
zippers are such a cool invention
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
