Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
