i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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