what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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