I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
