omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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