she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
