If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She said her name was "party"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
