Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
