I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
