AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
