i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He better not be in your backpack
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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