btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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