i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
